Application for Customer Service Manager – Bank West
I noticed that Bank West was advertising for a Customer Service Manager , when I saw this advertisement I instantly became very excited as I have had some dealings with your bank and as a result believe I also have the exhibited qualities that I was so fortunate to experience.
I submit the following particulars in support of being considered for a management (customer focus) position within the Bank West Corporation.
I strongly believe that I possess all the desired and necessary qualities that will support Bank West’s demonstrated corporate mission and values.
Below is the list of my customer focus qualities that I believe best support Bank West’s service ethos and current customer practices.
1. I have an enormous passion and drive for making customers feel like they are of no importance or worth and that their constant and annoying business requests are nothing short of interruptive and are preventing me from doing something else more important.
2. I can be very direct and succinct in advising customers that I will get around to their business needs when I get the opportunity and not a minute beforehand.
3. I can be very creative in my responses to why the incompetence and unwillingness of the Bank to attend to the matters of the customer are really the customer’s fault and not the Bank’s.
4. I fully support the corporate attitude that we are too busy to attend to your needs right now and I personally don’t see any relationship with how this could be seen as being an internal management deficiency.
5. I enjoy employing and to that matter embracing arrogance as a fundamental tool when attending to any customer service matter and further believe that an aggressive and confrontational approach is a healthy building product in establishing customer relations in any business setting.
6. I can time after time commit and promise with a sincere tone to follow up on customer requests without any intention to ever do so and (wait-- get this) have no recollection of this promise or accompanying guilt when answering to customers follow up enquiries.
7. But I think the real WOW factor, hold on to your seat, Bang for Buck that is sure to impress and see me elevated quite quickly up Bank West’s corporate ranks is my true belief and passion that customer values are well overrated and that a more direct “like it or lump it” approach saves on the countless and unrewarding man-hours spent on convincing customers that we truly value their business, I mean what are they thinking? As if the bank gives two rats about them! If they don’t appreciate the bank’s service and demeanor they can stick it where the sun doesn’t shine and find another banking institute to harass with their irritating self-focused questions.
I believe that these astute attributes that I possess are very well aligned and in support of Bank West’s pursuance to achieving global recognition as the financial industry’s number one in customer dissatisfaction.
In an effort not to come across too cocky, but also knowing that any recruitment process with an ounce of integrity would certainly see me as the preferred and most suitable candidate in continuing this customer service initiative , would you kindly provide me with the start date, where and who to report to?
I look forward to beginning my dream job and showing you all what a great choice you made.
Former Customer, “Future” Customer Relations Manager.